That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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