I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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