What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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