She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
