I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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