love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
