i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
