oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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