Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
