she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Randomize
