We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
