I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
