my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
