if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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