I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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