No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
