You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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