I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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