i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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