saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
