you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
