My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
