it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
