Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
