I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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