I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
