This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
