I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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