Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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