were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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