Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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