He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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