I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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