dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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