Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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