people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
