the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
