Your dad touched me again.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
