take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
