Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize
