This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
