; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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