So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
