You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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