Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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