I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
