you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
