i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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