the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
