I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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