Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im six kinds of drunk right now
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
