my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
