im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
