she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
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